You Gotta Know When To Hold 'Em...

First off, let me inform those of you who aren't hip to The Onion that it is a satirical "news"paper with fake headlines, stories, and horoscopes. So please remember that the story I am about to refer to isn't fact, but it is based on some truth. The headline reads:

"President Bush signed an ambitious Social Security plan into law Monday that will allow citizens to bet a third of their payroll taxes on their favorite sports teams."

I won't reprint the whole article here, but my favorite line has to be:

"Why let your retirement money sit around in an account when
you could double or triple it in a single year? Under the new plan, anyone with access to a sports page can control his financial destiny." Added Ryan: "Assuming, of course, that Favre keeps a lid on those turnovers next season."

Well, the government has been dipping their hand in gambling publicly since the 80's once they found out that running numbers was both popular and profitable. Gambling is now a socially acceptable way of increasing state revenues and lining legislators pockets. (I find myself buying Illinois Lottery scratch-off tickets hoping for a chance at a quick buck to no avail.) So, a federal-sized lottery or gambling system is not inconceivable, especially since His Honorable King Bush the 2nd is having trouble finding the $2 Trillion he needs to reform Social Security.